Hisoid words, issued for jokes, rhetorical questions or phrases like "Did this problem" are not so harmless, as they seem at first glance. For the desire to "help understand yourself", the manipulator, which uses emotional pressure. How to recognize the actions of a hidden abuser and leave from under the influence of the aggressor - in the material 24cm.
1. "You must"
The impact tool may become grateful. Initially, "benefactor" cottons near the victim, helps to solve problems, gives dear gifts. Wide gestures are accepted for deep mental impulses, and the control over the situation is lost. Next, the manipulator decides itself, how to do better in a specific situation, and the victim remains with gratitude in the heart and with the disturbed personal boundaries: "good" is imposed on and "just so."An expectation of gratitude is becoming an extreme degree when "benefactor" hopes that they will pay the same coin, but with percentages. Return independence will help awareness of the problem. Learn to say "no", refuse to help, if you doubt the sincerity of intentions. And yes, respect other people's borders and help only after they are asked or allowed to intervene in the situation.
2. "Do you need it?"
Emotional pressure in the case of conviction appears to the voice of the mind. In response to the desire of the victim, the hidden Abuser lists the arguments and signs proving the inconsistency of desires. "Yes, why get married / learn / attend self-development courses," says the "well-wisher". - "It is expensive, tedious, useless, etc." In some cases, smart quotes are used or statistical data confirming the theory of the Abuzer.
In the launched cases at the desire of the victim, the manipulator meets the rhetorical question, as if forcing it to think, and mysteriously looks into the eyes. This type of action is used by close people from the best motives. Awareness that, despite the arguments, the choice remains yours. And in order not to become a quiet family abuser, express arguments, but emphasize that the decision should be taken on your own.
3. "Left to apply"
Pleasant words can also be a sign of emotional pressure. Usually, the expectation of achievements is hidden behind the phrase of the type "If you are so smart, then why such a poor" or "With such a result we will overthrow." As a result, before the victim, they put a high bar and make the goal, contrary to opportunities and desires, and man justifies other people's hopes.Another form of attack can be called a humiliating criticism, which is exhibited for good intentions. "Take a third place? And when will the first? " Or "you don't have everything like people." In order not to become a victim of envy, in a situation where the aggressor is trying to customize manipulative phrases, cut out the expectations and focus on their own plans and ambitions.
4. "Hold on"
The statement clearly shows the depreciation of the experiences. The "kindness" of the aggressor can be hidden behind the encouraging formulations of the type "hold the tail of a pistol", "not kitty", "Stop suffering." However, in fact, the ban on emotions and depreciation may result in health problems.
Exit - live and survive negative feelings. If it is hard to stay alone with problems, then contact psychologists who will teach express experience in safe ways.
5. "And tomorrow they promise rain"
Emotional pressure in a situation where the opponent does not go to conflict, it is not easy to recognize. As soon as the conversation comes to an unpleasant topic, the aggressor jumps on abstract concepts or translates the situation into a joke. It turns out that there is no open confrontation, but tensions are enhanced.
It is difficult to reject the situation when the problem is discussed, it is difficult because the interlocutor prefers not to listen to negative messages. In such a situation, it is recommended to sign up for family therapy, if we are talking about relationships between close people, or to complete the relationship in which everyone lives on its wave.